


Watching You Without Me

by purpleandgreen



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleandgreen/pseuds/purpleandgreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bruce is assigned a handler at the Tower, things don't quite go to plan.</p>
<p>Apologies, I began this story in 2014 before Agents of Shield series and before Age of Utron and the Bruce/Natasha storyline, and just thought I would post it here. If you're interested in me finishing it, please let me know!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Dr Banner?”

I knocked softly on the Dr Banner’s apartment in The Avenger’s Tower. “Mr Stark wanted me to give you a half hour time check, Ms Potts has booked the table for nine o’clock and Mr Stark wants to check that no-one’s outfits… err clash...” 

Assigned as his handler only two weeks ago, the doctor and I had not gotten off on the right foot at all. After the incident in New York, some of the Avengers were hastily assigned handlers. I was called in from a mission I’d been pursuing in London, a long winded affair about a reported gravity anomaly, but I’d been drawing blanks for a while and had no luck in tracing the rumours. I was about to turn in my report when the attack on New York occurred.

With the rest of the world, I watched 3 humans, a super human, an alien god and a green monster defeat an alien attack from outer space. It was like something out of a movie, but to the eyes of the world, horrifyingly and sickeningly real.

The day after the attack, I was on a jet to New York. Assigned to a little known scientist, a physicist, called Robert Bruce Banner. The notes on him were sparse, rushed; name, birthplace, parents. Seemed to me that he’d had a rough deal as a child, but a genius level IQ and an uncommon knowledge of gamma radiation had seen him become a highly rated scientist, well respected within the scientific community. No more information was given and the notes appeared to end mysteriously in 2008. I had thought no more of it, a job was a job and if SHIELD needed a handler for this man, then I’d carry out my orders until something more exciting turned up. 

I turned up to the Tower in New York, amazed by the damage wreaked by the alien race, to be met by Stark’s head of security, ‘Happy’ Hogan. I was jet-lagged and still hadn’t spoken to anyone on my team. Hogan shook my hand without enthusiasm. He looked exhausted. “You’re gonna be Dr Banner’s handler huh? Brave lady. Not a job I’d relish, between you and me, the guy scares the shit outta me. But you SHIELD guys are tough huh? Sure, you’ll be fine.”

He issued an id badge for me, I filled in the necessary forms and we took the elevator up to the lab. 

After an uncomfortably silent ride to the top floors of the tower, we eventually reached the doors of the lab. Happy indicated that I should try my new pass, and I waved my ID badge over the electronic lock on the door. 

Nothing happened.

“Try it again”

Nothing.

Hogan tutted and cursed under his breath, “Not this shit again.” 

He banged on the door with his fist, “Dr Banner! Have you changed the codes again? Please open the door, I have someone to meet you.”

After a good five minutes of Hogan banging on the door, the doctor finally appeared. Scowling. “Mr Hogan, I’m at a crucial point in my work, can this wait?”

“Dr Banner, I’d like to introduce you to Cally Denson, she’ll be your handler and personal assistant for the foreseeable future.”

“Oh, yeah, hi.” 

He wasn’t at all what I expected - a short, rather ordinary looking man in his late thirties, his glasses on his head. His dark brown hair flecked with grey was unruly and a strand kept falling over one eye. 

He looked harmless. 

“Well, I’ll leave you two to get acquainted.” Happy strode toward the elevator, before turning to me and mouthing, “Be careful.”

I nodded, but looking at this man, I couldn’t believe that he could be a threat to anyone. However, being in the field had taught me that the most innocuous people were capable of all kinds of evil. I was always careful.

“So, you’re a SHIELD agent?” Dr Banner was already returning to his work, his fingers moving on a screen full of numbers, “I was sorry to hear about Coulson. Seems like he was well liked.”

What? 

Banner’s fingers stilled and his head turned to finally look me in the eye, “How much have they told you?”

"Nothing about Coulson. Is he badly hurt?"

Banner’s eyes dropped and his tongue moved over his lower lip. A sign I would later recognise as discomfort, but seemed to me at the time evasive.

"Tell me."

"Coulson was killed by Loki." Banner’s eyes raised to gauge my reaction. 

I stepped back, “Dead? Phil..?”

"Was that his first name? I didn’t know. I’m sorry, were you close? I’d only just met him. If it’s any comfort, he didn’t suffer. Would you like some water, you’ve gone a funny color?"

"No, no I’m fine. They pulled me out of a job in England, I came straight here; I’ve not been briefed. I didn’t know."

Phil and I had once been on a mission – an extremely boring surveillance mission when I was just a rookie. My first job with SHIELD. He’d taken me under his wing, and as we’d watched our target he told me about his life; purely to make me comfortable, to calm my nerves and stop me making silly mistakes. He told me about his interest in a musician he was plucking up the courage to ask on a date. I told him he should do it, and that he’d never be able to stop the agony of wondering unless he asked her out for coffee. 

After the mission had been wrapped up and all paperwork delivered to the relevant people, a large bunch of flowers turned up on my desk with a little handwritten note that said ‘She said yes. Phil x’

And now he was gone. 

I blinked away a tear, plenty of time for that after my shift. “He was a good man.” I confirmed, “But my priority now is you Doctor. I will make sure you have everything you need, whilst keeping you safe. “  
He gave a wry laugh. “You’re going to protect me?”

“With all due respect, Doctor Banner – "

“Call me Bruce.”

“Bruce. With all due respect, I’m guessing you have no military training. Without causing you due concern, a highly respected scientist working for SHIELD will often be a target for kidnapping, or worse, assassination. Whilst working as your PA, I’ll also be keeping an eye out for you. We’ve been thrown together whether you like it or not, and we may as well make the most of it.”

“Oh God. You don’t know do you?"

"Sir…"

"Bruce."

"Bruce, I’m no good at riddles, but I’m very good at my job. If we could just co-operate, this doesn’t have to be weird or uncomfortable."

Bruce stared at me hard, his eyes searching for something in mine – what exactly, I had no clue, but finally he turned away indifferently, “Fine.” He sighed, “Tony wants us all to go out next week as a celebration once his bruises have cleared up. Find me an excuse to get out of it, and I’ll be your best behaved subject to date.”

"Yessir." I mock saluted and left the room, hearing the doctor sigh, “Call me Bruce.” As the door gently shut behind me.

Two days later I was in Fury’s office. “Sir, you didn’t think that informing me that the subject I have to spend every waking moment protecting has the capability of turning into an eight foot monster and snapping me like a twig once he gets irritated? You didn’t even think for one moment that I might need that information?

"I’m sorry, while New York was being destroyed by aliens from another dimension we didn’t quite have the time and resources to fill every agent in on the minutiae of all their tasks. There is an enormous databank of SHIELD information literally at your fingertips. May I suggest you use it?" 

"Sir, it’s the most important information I should know about Dr Banner. You withheld it from me - like you withheld the information about Coulson."

A silence. Fury was having some kind of internal struggle, and he looked as if he was ready to blurt something out, but Nick was always in control of himself, and he sucked in a deep breath and told me what I later found out to be only a half truth, “Phil’s death was unfortunate, but it is providing us with important information about all this alien tech still. Phil’s still very much around, while people like you, are remembering him."

"Will there be a funeral? I’d like to pay my last respects."

"It’s already been done. A private affair. It’s what he wanted. We flew his ashes to Tahiti. He often holidayed there. I think he would have approved. But to return to the subject of Dr Banner..."

“ I was so embarrassed Director, he had to listen to me describing in detail how scary that big green monster was, and I was speculating which planet it might have come from. I believe I may have used the phrase, ‘Planet Ugly’. “

Fury snorted, but whether it was a laugh or an expression of disgust, I couldn’t tell.

"Dr Banner then spent the afternoon introducing me to the other Avengers and making me recount the story to each of them, before revealing the truth to me. You could have fried eggs on my face I was blushing so furiously. He hasn’t spoken to me much since and as for being his handler, I think that’s untenable now. He simply won’t co-operate."

"Denson. I called you in from London because I believed you were the best person for this job. Don’t prove me wrong. I don’t like being wrong, and I seldom admit to it. You can do this. Dr Banner is not the easiest man to get along with, he has a complicated and sometimes downright horrifying history, but I know that you can get past all that and make him trust you. Do you understand? You may have not got off on the right foot, but he needs someone, and that person is you. I’m counting on you." 

There was a pause, Fury sat back sighing, “I didn’t tell you because I thought you would turn the job down."

"Sir?" 

"Most people would have run a mile. I thought you would be good for Dr Banner and I wanted to give you the chance to get to know him. I may have slightly miscalculated."

"An admission sir?"

"No. Now get back to your job."

My mouth must have quirked as Director Fury started to frown, “Get out of my sight.”

"Yes sir." I retreated from the room, “Oh and Denson?” 

"Yes Director?"

You’ll be sleeping in a room adjacent to Dr Banner’s from now on. We’ve had a threat from a third party who’ll stop at nothing to get their hands on one of our team, and we will not let Dr Banner be taken from this facility. Do you understand?"

"Sir, yes sir."

Mortified at the idea of being in such close proximity to Dr Banner, I thought I should broach the subject, apologise, try to break the ice that had formed between us. I went straight to the lab.  
Tony and Bruce were working on something, standing side by side leaning against the work table, their heads almost touching as they scrutinised something on a screen. Tony said something that I couldn’t hear, and nudged Bruce, who nudged him back. 

Tony turned, lolling on the desk they had both been leaning on. “Oh, it’s your Mary Poppins Bruce. Got any more opinions you’d like to share about the team? Perhaps got some comments on how we should be getting make-overs? Style tips?”

“Leave it Tony. What can I do for you Ms Denson? 

"Dr Banner, Director Fury has just given warning that there’s a possible threat to your security.” Tony huffed, “I’m moving into the room next yours, to provide extra protection.”

“You think the Hulk needs a babysitter?” Tony sneered.

“No, I don’t, but SHIELD does. I’m just following orders."

"Like the Nazis?"

"Like someone who has been placed to protect an important member of Earth’s first line of defence."

"Whatever SHIELD wants." Bruce sighed and returned to his work

I turned to leave.

I heard Tony mutter something to Bruce and snigger. I ignored it, but I was annoyed, honestly, it was like being in high school all over again…

I moved all of my kit into the small room next to Bruce. It was almost a guest room. It was unused as far as I knew. I’d never seen Bruce hang around with anyone outside the tower. He seemed to have no friends except Tony, and he never received any personal mail, or made any calls to family or friends.

My shift over, I sat on my new bed in my pajamas writing up my reports for the day. I had had difficulty sleeping since my mission at the tower started. Every night I went over that awful day when I embarrassed myself and I couldn’t stop reddening when I thought about how I had flippantly insulted the doctor.

It was stopping me sleeping.

So it was very late when I found myself dozing, half in, half out of sleep, just dropping off the edge, when I heard a bump in the next room, followed by a muffled cry, it sounded like a child. I sat up and reached for my gun. Again, a cry which raised to a wail, then to a scream. 

Running for the door to Bruce’s room I opened the door quietly and slowly, trying to still the sound of my breathing, I stepped into the dark. In the shadows I could just make out Bruce’s tousled head under the cover. He was groaning, but I couldn’t see anyone else in the room. I wondered if he was hurt. 

“Dad! No, please!”

He’s dreaming.

“Mom!”

His cries were heart-breaking and I had to resist the urge to wake him out of his nightmare. I felt as if I were intruding on an intimate personal moment, one I shouldn’t be sharing in. Instinctively I withdrew, whilst Bruce’s cries continued for most of the night.

As I lay in bed listening to the distressed cries as Bruce relived his nightmares over and over again, I had to wonder about the man lying in the room next to me. Was it like this every night? Did he work so late and get up so early to avoid these night terrors that inevitably came however tired he was? 

No wonder he had no friends.

No wonder he wasn’t in a relationship. 

No wonder Stark gave him a floor to himself.

No wonder he was prickly, and irritable. He probably hadn’t slept a decent night in years.

I decided to look up his story in SHIELD’s databases. The information I’d been given was sketchy. I knew he’d been in and out of foster care, knew his father had been committed to an insane asylum after the death of his mother, but not much else.

I brought up his files. 

As I read, words floated in front of my eyes, filling in the details, abuse, murder, bullying, violence, assault, injury, death, broken…

I sniffed. My eyes were blurring up. It was all so awful. He’d never had a chance. His whole life had been horrendous. Then the accident with the bomb where he’d sacrificed himself to save the life of a young man, and his reward was – this, this monster that he hated, but couldn’t live without. The creature, this manifestation of all those years of anger, who denied him normal human interaction, the things that everyone takes for granted, love, friendship, a family.

I felt terrible. I'd mocked the monster, and by doing so had mocked him and everything that made him Bruce Banner. The Hulk was the embodiment of every godawful event that had happened to the child - and the man.

I've worked with all kinds of people being a SHIELD agent. The criminally insane, super heroes, and villains, unhinged people with terrible histories of abuse, I thought I'd heard it all, but Dr Banner's story was something else. 

I wondered what had kept him from going bad. He was snarky sure, but his snark was undercut with a self-deprecating sense of humor that made his comments charming rather than rude; something Tony Stark could learn from.

I glanced at the clock as I heard a movement from next door. 4.30am. Bruce was getting up. I heard his bathroom door shut and the shower run. 

I wanted to go and hug him, to apologise for our bad start, to tell him that if he ever wanted to go for a cup of tea (he didn't drink coffee, I'd noticed) and spill his guts to me, I'd never breathe a word, and I'd just listen, without judgement and without comment. 

Yeah, that would be really professional. 

Instead I got up and decided to go to the kitchen to get a drink. 

I took the elevator to the 25th floor to the communal kitchen, to give myself some space, and to separate myself from Dr Banner's proximity. I thought I'd have the kitchen to myself, but to my surprise Natasha Romanov, The Black Widow, was sitting at the table sipping, judging by the smell, strong espresso coffee.

'Can't sleep huh?' She greeted me as I went to fill the kettle.

"Nope. You?" 

"I never sleep." She replied menacingly. It took me a moment to realise that she was joking. 

"So," The Black Widow, impeccable even in night-wear, her flame red hair framing her perfect, icy face, leaned back in her chair and scrutinised me, "Does he still scream in his sleep?"

"Sorry?" 

"Ms Denson, you haven't been here very long, but your records are extensive. You are usually a sound sleeper, punctually waking at 6.30am on a work morning. I imagine you have been kept awake by your shaky start here and Dr Banner's night terrors."

I turned away to retrieve some juice from the fridge, "Yeah."

"Hm" Natasha leaned forward again, sipping at her coffee. 

"I... I feel really terrible for him. Ms Romanov, can I ask your advice?"

"Seems like you already are"

"Is there any way I can help him? I've gotten off to an awful start and almost messed everything up. I … I just think he deserves it."

"Well, firstly you can stop feeling sorry for him. That's not going to help. He's an adult, a damaged and occasionally terrifying adult, but any problems he had or has, he's developed coping mechanisms to deal with them. If you start mollycoddling him, he'll smell a rat immediately and that will be the end of your time here. He won't stand for that. You've noticed how close he and Stark are? Why do you think that is? Stark treats him as an equal, as a human, not as a monster, not as a damaged child, but as a colleague. I suggest that you give him no sign that you know about his past, and treat him as you would any other ward that you've been given to handle."

I sighed and stirred my tea. "Dr Banner is my first ward, this is my first handling mission"

"Then Director Fury must have seen something in you that would resonate with Bruce. Try and take it back to square one, apologize again for the incident about the Hulk, and be honest with him about wanting to strike a harmonious and worthwhile working relationship."

I opened my mouth to ask a further question when Bruce came in, rubbing the back of his head and stifling a yawn. 

"Oh, I thought I heard voices, you're all up early. I’ve run out of tea"

"Tea? I’ve got some, want a cup?" I ventured, with a glance at Natasha, who studiously ignored me, before jumping up and grabbing some fruit from the bowl declared that she was off to the gym, leaving me and Bruce alone.

"Um, yeah, ok. strong, soya milk,"

"No sugar. I know..."

I quickly fixed him a brew, and set it before him. He was already engrossed in some work on his tablet, and picked it up absent-mindedly. Sipping the drink, he frowned, "This is really good."

I shrugged, "I got a bit addicted to tea when I was stationed in London, brought tons back with me, if you ask me this is the best blend. "

"Hm" He cocked his head slightly and went back to his work. There was a silence, and I thought he was ignoring me. I considered taking my drink back to my room and getting a shower, when he spoke again.

"I drank nothing but tea when I was at Oxford. Did you go ever get there? It's a beautiful city."

"Yes, I did. Only for a couple of days but you're right - it is beautiful. Say, did you go to the Ashmolean? I love that museum."

"Oh yeah, and the Pitt Rivers? Fantastic." 

"My brother studied at Oxford. He worked at the Bodleian Library for a while, loved it there, but swore it was haunted." I laughed, and Bruce's mouth twitched.

I sat down next to him at the table forgetting myself in the enthusiasm of the conversation. As soon as I did so, I knew it was a mistake. He shut down.

Snatching up his tea, he mumbled something about work and left, taking his tablet with him, leaving me alone with my tea.

"Dammit." I sighed lowering my head onto the table.

Later, trying not to yawn every two seconds, I was in the lab, typing up some work that Stark and Bruce were working on. Tony was in a more than usually ebullient mood, “So Bruce, are you ready for the big night? First night on the town for the Avengers! Pepper's got me a killer suit and she’s booked the swankiest restaurant this side of the East Side.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and glanced at me, mouthing, “Help me”. 

I was too surprised to react at this small moment of intimacy between me and him. The first moment that we’d interacted on that level of trust.

Tony kept talking about the evening. He loved hosting nights out but his bruises had taken some time to heal, so he hadn’t been out since the incident. He was back to his devilishly handsome self though, the bruising round his head and eye no longer visible unless you looked carefully. He was excited about going out on the town, but Bruce didn’t share his enthusiasm. “Tony, I have a lot of work to do, I don’t think that going out is a good idea…”

“Nonsense.” Snapped Tony. “You’re coming out. Let your hair down, have a couple of drinks and get your green ass on the dance floor. You might even meet a lay- deeeee!”

“I can’t drink, I don’t dance and, um, I’ve got a shitload of work to do. Look, no-one is going to welcome the other guy if things go wrong, I don’t want to cause any more damage.”

“Bruce, you’re coming. No excuses, and Denson?”

I looked up from my work, “Yes?”

“You’re coming too.”

“Oh no” I said holding up my hands, “This is your night, you guys saved New York, I’m going to take a long bath and get some sleep”

“You’ve been yawning all morning, not sleeping? Something troubling you?” Tony frowned.

“Um,” I glanced at Dr Banner who was scribbling in a notepad, “No, I’m fine.”

“Great! So you can still get that bath, but make sure you get into your glad rags afterwards. We’re meeting in the lobby at 8.30. Don’t be late!”


	2. Chapter 2

I left Bruce in the lab a little earlier than usual to try and catch a nap before we went out that evening. When I got back to my little room off Bruce’s apartment I was surprised to find some boxes on my bed. 

Tentatively I opened one, not knowing what to expect, but inside was a dress. Deep forest green with black edging, it was surprisingly tasteful, and exactly my size.

In another box there were shoes, in another jewellery, and in yet another, a purse. All matched the dress beautifully.

Opening the card that came with it, I recognized Pepper’s elegant handwriting. It read: 

“Welcome to Stark Tower! We know you haven’t brought much with you from London, thought this might help.

Tony and Pepper”

I was more than a little touched. It was the first time I’d felt welcome at the tower since my arrival, and I certainly didn’t expect Tony to do anything nice for me, as I’d insulted his best friend. 

I suspected that this present was more Pepper’s work than Tony’s. 

It didn’t matter though, it was a generous gesture that made me feel included and I made a mental note to thank Tony and Pepper personally after the evening ahead.  
After a quick nap, I showered and put on the outfit I’d been given. It was a perfect fit and I was pretty impressed with how it looked on me. 

As I was admiring the dress in the mirror there was a tentative knock on the door coming from Dr Banner’s apartment.

“Come in.” I shouted over my shoulder.

“Cally…” Bruce came into the room.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw my outfit. But he was running his tongue over his lower lip again, “I… ahem, need to give you something before we go out tonight.”

I had no idea what he was going to present me with, he looked nervous and shifty, and he kept looking at the door as if bad guys were about to tumble in at any moment.

“Bruce…” I started gently, trying to put him at ease,

“Wait. I need to say this.” He took hold of my hand palm up and placed his own over it. When he removed it, there was a small gun left in my hand.

I looked at him quizzically, “Bruce, I…”

“It’s a tranquilizer gun. The darts in there hold enough tranq to drop me if the other guy shows up. Don’t hesitate, you hear me? If there’s any sign of trouble, I need you to take me down. Understood?”

Foolishly I opened and shut my mouth like a stranded goldfish. I had no idea how to take this. 

“Miss Denson, you need to promise me.”

I blinked and rasped a promise. Too shocked to enquire further. 

“Thank you.”

He withdrew back into his room before I had a chance to speak. 

I sat on the bed, my legs feeling weak all of a sudden, tears pricking my eyes. This assignment was more emotionally draining than I ever suspected. I was overtaken by a wave of warmth, admiration and pity for the man who considered every one’s safety above his own, who made sure that the threat he presented to the world was controlled at all times. 

He didn’t even notice the dress.

Now why would that thought pop into my mind? 

Oh God. 

No, no, no, no. 

I shook the barely formed thought out of my head and with a slightly shaky hand applied some make-up.

Later that evening, we were all in the lobby, after Tony had checked out our outfits. I’d knocked a couple of times on Dr Banner’s door, trying to lure him out. That was an hour ago and he still hadn’t appeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is kind of taking on a life of its own, in an alternate timeline where Bruce's transformation is due to comix canon reasons and the events in AoU never happened.
> 
> Anyhoo, thank you so much for reading this short chapter, I'll try and update again soon. All comments/criticisms appreciated. :)


End file.
